Denial.

(This is an emotional entry, thank you.)

Lately I have been thinking, thinking so hard about so many things. And, I end up with no answer. I know, there are people out there who can be my ear and listen to what I have to say. I know, my family will always be there for me no matter what happens. I know, I have friends around me in which they can give good feedbacks.

But, why haven't I turned to them and tell them everything? But, why haven't I asked for their advises as I know that they know more than I do. I guess the answer is vague. As for one, perhaps, I don't trust them enough? But, I know that is definitely not true. Perhaps, I know they won't listen? I don't know. Perhaps this, perhaps that. Beneath all of these reasonings, actually there is one thing I'm sure of.

I keep things to myself. I bottle my feelings up.

I have endured this ever since I was in secondary school. Yes, saya pemendam. I also learned that, it is not healthy to keep things to yourself. Sure, there are certain things that are better left unspoken or unsaid or unwritten but there are also certain things that are better shared or spread. But usually people keep negativity to themselves. In this case I mean, myself. I keep on underestimating myself in certain fields of things. Why ah?


So, here I am. Whenever I have an unbalanced emotional problem, I'll let them out, through writing. Well I usually write them somewhere else rather than in the blog but somehow my instinct told me to post them publicly tonight. I guess, as I fill in the bottle (I seriously have no idea how many bottles have I filled), I can never go sane. Allahu Rabbi. It's like, a load is being burdened on my shoulders. I know I can do this but somehow I'm such a pessimist I downgrade myself. Yet, I can motivate others. Haih. I can't even take care of myself. I hope, I can be like what is stated in the photo above. I really do.


Sorry, you have to read my gibberish babble.